earth2mars

:(

2009-10-11T02:33:17Z

I wish I could be eloquent here, but right now, I'm lost.

My father is dead.

On Monday, after spending three weeks in the hospital after chemo, we were told that the pain my father was feeling was due to the spread of cancer. She told us all we could do was make him comfortable. Tuesday we arranged for everything to be sent home so we could take care of him there. Wednesday we brought my dad home. Thursday at midnight he'd already become unresponsive. By 5 a.m. Friday, my dad was dead and we were devastated.

I'm so sad.
Such a small word: sad--but it's as large as the world right now inside me.

Sexy? Um...

2009-09-25T14:47:42Z

Early in September, M had a sleep study done. As we suspected, he has sleep apnea and will need to sleep with a mask every night. The mask keeps him breathing and monitors his air intake.

Wow, and he thought he had a hard time getting lucky in bed before ...

The Thanks I Get

2009-09-17T19:28:43Z

This last week has been especially crazy and I really felt E got lost in the shuffle. So yesterday, while M and I were out running errands, I suggested we treat her to the newest Barbie movie which came out Tuesday. She's been wanting to see it ever since she saw the trailer for it.

So follow me, please.

I suggest it.
I drive us there.
I give M the money to pay for the rental.
He gets out and rents it, and all night long all I hear is this:

"You're the BEST DADDY in the whole world! I LOVE this movie!"

Wait? What? Who's idea was this? All he did was take it off a shelf and pay for it (WITH MY MONEY) and he's the parent of the year?

In his defense, he kept telling her it was my idea but she was having no part of it. No, it was all "I love you, Daddy!"

Sheez. Some thanks, huh?

On a lighter note...

2009-09-16T12:40:29Z

Today is picture day at E's school. Let's all pray that this is NOT the face she makes when the photographer asks for a smile. Please.

earth2mars @ 2009-09-13T22:07:00

2009-09-14T03:39:44Z

Six months.
That's how long it has been since I posted.
It seems so strange to me... I knew it had been a while, but SIX months? Wow.

Initially, I was overwhelmed with weddings. E was asked to be the flower girl to M's cousin's wedding. Then we were hit with my nephew's wedding. He's the first of this latest generation to get married so it was crazy w/hoopla. Add to that, E was asked to be the flower girl to this, too, and somehow I was asked to be the unofficial stylist for all my sisters-in-law. It seemed as if all my time was spent buying gifts, attending showers and parties, photographing the events, attending fittings, and dressing all of us (and my in-laws, sometimes). The next thing I knew, spring was over.

In June, Aidan had these seizures and I was overwhelmed with worry that something very serious was wrong. After an MRI and EEG, we were told he was fine.

The happiness was short-lived, in early July my dad was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer. The majority of my summer has been spent talking to doctors and surgeons, and waiting for good news while my father was operated on or tested. Unfortunately, after his surgery, the news was worse. The cancer had spread to a lymph node. Currently, he's going through chemo & radiation simultaneously.

I can't say I dealt with it well. I'm the oldest of my sisters and the one that doesn't work, and since English is not my father's first language, it was up to me to be the one to hear the news and often translate it. In my attempt to be the strong one, I think I came across as unfeeling.

Then, as if I didn't have enough to be depressed about, Aidan has been evaluated by state therapists and according to them, he's delayed when it comes to speech and play. Hopefully, it won't be a permanent delay and that with therapy he'll be like any other average little boy. I'm hoping that's true. You can only imagine how distraught I am imagining him struggling for the rest of his life or worse, lost in his own little closed off world. :(

Anyway. That's why I've stayed away. I've felt a little toxic, too poisonous, and honestly, who wants to read 100 entries about how awful/depressed I've felt?

I hope everyone is happy and well. Honestly.

I know, I know...

2009-09-10T19:51:14Z

Where the hell have I been, right? I'll get to that, but first--imagine my surpise when I clicked to read a blog of beloved/favorite scrapbooker/photographer and I find photos of this Veronica Mars alum (Sept 07 entry).

http://tarawhitney.com/justbeblogged/

Dude, my worlds collide...

I hope you've all been well.

Happy Birthday, evie_0!

2009-03-25T19:12:18Z

Once again, I'm posting a birthday message early--but I must b/c lately I totally suck at getting anything done on time.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY evie_0 (T!)!

You and your excellent VM stories brought me into the LJ world and I really want to thank you for that. I hope your birthday is the best and that you get all your heart desire's this year. :)

Happy, happy BIRTHDAY!

Happy HAPPY Birthday to Alexis!

2009-03-12T14:59:58Z

Okay, yes, it's a day early but with my luck, I wouldn't be able to get to my computer until after the actual day. So, flisters, join me in wishing our pal Alexis (a_h_c) a wonderful birthday.

Thanks for always making me laugh and for always knowing just what to say to make me feel better. :)

I hope this birthday is a fantastically happy start to a great year.

Happy Birthday!

Because this cracked me up...

2009-03-02T07:25:46Z

Gakked from a_h_c :

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now consider yourself obligated (even if we don't speak often or ever) then you should post a comment with a completely made up, fictional memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad - but it has to be fake.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph in your LJ saying who you snagged it from and see what your friends come up with.

Friday Night, Time to Cry

2009-02-07T08:14:17Z

So, it appears that Thursday night is my night to laugh and Friday is my night to cry.
I have The Office on Thursday and FNL & BSG on Fridays--so, yes, I'm crying all night long.

Here's why:

The coach defending Smash when they tried to reschedule AGAIN.
Matt's face when he learns both he and McCoy are quarterbacking this game.
Smash getting the scholarship and his family's reaction.
Smash going to the coach's house to thank him for everything. BAWLING at this point.

Then, as if an hour of crying on and off is not enough I turn on BSG.

The relationship between Adama and Roslin. When she returns and sees him and can barely contain her own tears of happiness and relief, that totally made me cry.

It's funny, when I began watching this show I was rooting for Starbuck and Apollo. I wonder when I stopped thinking of them at all and fell in love with Adama and Roslin. I think it was this season when Sol found them together and barely contained his shock or maybe it was when they kissed in front of everyone last week while Starbuck and Lee tried to keep their WTH faces hidden. Nice, so very nice. I loved that boldness, that fuck 'em all attitude, I love you and I'm going to kiss you and I don't care what the hell protocal is. :)

Yeah, Adama and Roslin. :)

I Think I Must Say This Every Week...

2009-02-06T17:19:07Z

but that was the best episode of The Office EVER. :)

So much to love...

The PA system and Jim saving the day (as usual).
I would happily watch Dwight and Jim as party planners for HOURS.
Karen! Wow, that fiance is pretty tall...just like someone else I know...
Phyllis looking just a little secretly pleased that Jim & Dwight suck as party planner.
Dwight's balloons--decorated with tape.
Andy! Oh, Andy, I just want to give you a big old hug.
Andy's faceoff with Stanley.
Oscar walking away when Andy asked for advice.
Michael, please close your mouth and stop making me cringe. Sugar boobs, indeed. :)
Pam's new cardigan and her fantastic suggestion to find Holly.

Finally saw FNL

2009-02-03T08:52:31Z

I was watching Friday's episode of FNL and Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer came to mind. I read something Joss Whedon supposedly had said--something about creating immediate drama when he needed it by putting Willow in danger. It instantly would draw the viewers' attention.

I thought of that as I watched Matt Saracen kneel on the field at the end of the episode. Do the writers just do things to hurt him so I'll immediately feel my heart ache for him? Do they sit around and say, "Okay, we haven't had a few tears in a while, let's fuck with Matt"?

Also...

1. Why can't the Taylors write a book about how to argue without wanting to kill your spouse? I'd buy a copy (OR TWO!)
2. How much longer can Coach keep from losing it? Will the series finale feature the coach lying on the ground, finally having had a heart attack from bottling up all his anger toward these crazy football dads?
3. Where can I get Lyla's pretty peachy eyeshadow? Cute.
4. Where did Julie the brat go? Not that I mind, I'm just curious.
5. Can we please have more Matt/Landry scenes please?
6. How much do I love Lyla and Tyra together? TOO much.
7. I love Riggins, I do. But why, why, WHY does his hair always look so scummy? Can't it be long and, I don't know, DRY?!
8. Can Smash's mother please write a book about parenting b/c she's just too awesome for words. :)
9. Why did I actually feel sorry for the McCoy kid? I shouldn't, right? He's too big a threat to Matt.
10. Speaking of McCoys, why can't I watch the episode w/o spending all my time thinking of all the other things Daddy McCoy has acted in?

earth2mars @ 2009-02-01T05:10:00

2009-02-01T11:18:47Z

Four years ago at this very moment I was calling my ob-gyn to tell her my water broke.

I remember the excitement and nervousness I felt as I made that call. I kept fear pretty much at bay by focusing on the anticipation I was feeling, instead.

I have to tell you, four years went by pretty quickly...and that? That, for me, is scarier than labor and delivery ever was.

Happy birthday, baby. Mommy loves you.

Who is this guy?

2009-01-29T08:28:02Z

Yes, it looks like my dad and dresses like him, but I have never seen this guy.

There isn't one photograph from my childhood with my dad looking this happy with me (or either of my sisters, come to think of it).

Honestly, I don't think I had a civil conversation with my dad until I got married and got a dog. Up until that point, we'd never really had much to talk about other than, "Can you pick me up from work?" and "Is it going to snow today?" and the ever-popular, "Where's Mom?" He was an asshole during my childhood, a figure to fear and a person for whom I held very little respect when I lived in his house. He was never affectionate and always cantankerous, demanding, domineering. Never said I love you, but felt he proved it by being our father. I remember telling M that I always loved my dad, but I never liked him. It has taken a long, L O N G time for me to "like" my dad.

Today, my mother surprised me. It was 7 a.m. and my mother, M, and I were in the kitchen feeding the babies and my mother was laughing, telling stories of my infancy and she mentioned that I, like Sabrina, had a favorite blanket. A pink one with satin trim that shredded over time from my constant handling of it. "I had forgotten about it," she said. "Your father is the one who reminded me about it and the noises you would make when you wanted a bottle." She laughed, amused now that she could recall it, but I was taken aback.

He was the one who remembered?! It was a little mind-blowing. My father never talks about what we were like as babies, as children, hell, as anything. To think he has all these memories of us...I don't know how to feel about that.

I wonder...

2009-01-28T09:03:49Z

As a kid, I hated Battlestar Galactica. HATED it. The robots, the space travel, the fighting-- It held no appeal for me whatsoever, and I had relegated it to the list of "boy" shows I would not watch. It didn't last long on the air,and two years later would be resurrected again into a show I would not watch either. Little did I know then that nearly thirty years later, it would be reborn into one my absolutely favorite shows.

I was thinking about this as I finished Friday's episode: Which or our favorite shows is timeless enough to be revisited nearly 30 years later? The one that immediately came to mind was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Don't you think?

What else do you think might work? Can you envision a new Veronica Mars years down the line? Maybe this time, Logan will be a woman. Let's see how the old fans handle that. :)

Fashion Don't for Daddy

2009-01-27T12:08:47Z

Tonight, I was lying in bed checking my e-mail when M entered the bedroom carrying E in his arms. Dangling from his ears were a pair of fake pearl drop earrings E had received from Santa.

"I have to take these off," said M, rubbing his earlobes.

"Why?" E whined.

My response? "Because Daddy's not a pirate."

No other explanation needed, right? :)

Showtime Shows

2009-01-26T07:43:41Z

Anyone out there watching The United States of Tara or The Secret Diary of a Call Girl?

I'm really enjoying Tara even though Diablo Cody's voice is so strong throughout that I sometimes feel as if I'm watching a clip from Juno.

Secret Diary is pretty good, too, but this season feels off. I know the lead was pregnant when they taped but it's more than that.

Stuff of Horror Films

2009-01-25T07:43:18Z

I creep out pretty easily so imagine my unease when at 1 a.m., everyone (but me, of course) is asleep and suddenly I hear one of the baby toy phones suddenly ringing.

It's one of the little LeapFrog phones that speaks once you press the buttons. Do you know how creepy it is to hear that little kiddie voice speaking from somewhere in the dark when NO one could possibly be pressing the buttons?! You KNOW what happens in the horror film, right? The mom walks into the kitchen and sees some ghastly/ghoulish dead baby apparition playing with the phone. Eeesh.

I figured it had been thrown into the playpen and was now under some other toy that was pressing down on it.

Uh-uh. It was all alone on the kitchen floor...absolutely quiet once I saw it...and saying "Bye Bye!" the minute I walked away from it!

No effin' way. I'm shuddering now just thinking about it.

Being the wuss I am, I took said phone and placed it on the window ledge outside my front door. :)

Panic Sets In

2009-01-24T11:32:58Z

M got laid off today. He'll be out of work for at least a month, but with everything so slow, it may be longer. He's a union carpenter foreman, but even with a union, it will be difficult to find work right now.

I have to tell you, I'm freaking out a little bit. Unemployment won't even bring in half of his salary and with it being the middle of the school year, it isn't as if I can go back to teaching right now.

Like I said, kinda freakin' out here. I take care of all the bills since every time he's been in charge, he just walks around loudly complaining about ONE MORE THING he has to do. (Ass.) Anyway, he really has no idea how tight everything is right now. I'm trying to stay calm since my breakdown certainly won't help anything, but it's difficult.

I hate the thought of living on our savings; I look at these kids and get really nervous about just how we're going to do it. I know it can be done--live simply, live cautiously, spend responsibly-- but I still worry.

I hope this ends quickly.

If Only She Knew...

2009-01-23T08:29:16Z

I had parent-teacher conferences on Tuesday for E's first year of preschool.

Thankfully, she's doing well, advancing as she should, still working on things that most 3 year olds are working on, but overall, seems to be on target.

Miss Joan: Yes, Emma's doing really well. Her vocabulary is excellent. It is much more extensive that that of most 3 year olds. She really knows the words and meanings to many words most kids her age have never heard.

I nodded proudly but said nothing. I was thinking of last week when I was downstairs working on a scrapbook layout and through the baby monitor heard E say to M, "Where the fuck are my shoes?"

Oh, you're definitely right, Miss Joan. She certainly seems to have a more advanced vocabulary than most 3 year olds.

VM MOVIE; Where have I been?

2009-01-22T08:53:03Z

Does everyone know about this but me?

Veronica Mars Movie Finally in the Works
Wed., Jan. 21, 2009 11:25 AM PST by KRISTIN DOS SANTOS

Good news for you Heroes fans missing the now-deceased Elle, Kristen Bell. It looks like Kristen's heading for the big screen as that other alter ego who's even more kickass: Miss Veronica Mars.
This is what über-producer Rob Thomas spills to us, after word broke that the order for his new ABC midseason series, Cupid, was trimmed down from 13 episodes to eight.
"What that means for me is that I have a couple of months to write the Veronica Mars movie," Thomas says. "I suddenly find myself with enough time to write that script. That's the next project."
So what's the planned plot for the final send-off of V.M.? Rob spills the details...
Although previously reported that the movie would give fans a taste of Veronica solving crimes in college, Thomas clarifies: "I think it would open just days before Hearst College graduation, so Veronica would be at the end of her college career."
As for where she'll go from there, Thomas hasn't quite nailed that down, but has plenty of ideas. "[The story is] 70 percent broken in my head. I've been struggling with one plot point, and I'm hopeful [that I will] figure that out. On the dry-erase board at my house there are Veronica Mars plot points that I want to see, so it is at least there."

And though the original castmembers have yet to be confirmed, Thomas is hopeful they'll all sign on. "I've talked to Jason Dohring, I've talked to Enrico Colantoni and I've talked to Kristen, obviously. I know that Kristen wants to do it. I want to do it."
As for funding, Thomas reveals: "Joel Silver does have a certain pile of money that he can decide on, and he called me asking, ‘Can we do this now?' "
Um, yes, please!
By the way, Thomas says he harbors no hard feelings toward the CW for canceling the series. "I think with three seasons of Veronica Mars, they gave us a chance. Three million fans loved us, but I swear our numbers aren't terribly different than Gossip Girl. It seems like we did essentially those numbers."
So what do you think of a silver-screen version of V.M.? Will you buy a ticket? And which castmembers should be there?
—Reporting by Natalie Abrams

Now while I'm still a big enough fan to want to see this, why does it sound like RT's doing this ONLY b/c he's desperate for some work? Am I right?

Proof I'm Evil...

2009-01-22T07:19:24Z

Been a little rough around here lately b/c I'm not sleeping. We had a stretch of time where the kids would wake up early in the night and later in the morning. This gave me time to get at least a little sleep in between there. Well, something's up with everyone's sleep cycle and I feel as if I'm up all the time. Needless to say, I am insanely cranky.

I have all the patience in the world for the babies, but for M? None. The other night I finally sat down on the couch to eat some dinner at 10 p.m. and he made some crack: "What are you? Glued to the couch?" b/c I didn't want to get up to get something and I made him do it. I'm not kidding, that made me want to freakin' throw him through a wall. We've been feuding for days now and everything he says or does makes me practically want to punch him in the face.

Today, he was carrying some laundry downstairs and tripped over a case of pop I had left on the stairs. I was in the living room and heard all the cans falling and I heard him swear and sigh, but since I was feeding Katelyn, I stayed where I was. I came to learn later that he had actually fallen down the stairs.

Eventually, he came back upstairs, moaning and rubbing his elbow, and accusing me of not caring.

"What are you talking about?"

"I just fell down the stairs! You didn't even come to see if I was okay."

Let me just say this: I knew he was okay b/c I could hear him and if I had gone over there, you KNOW I would have been the one stuck cleaning up all the exploded cans of pop.

"I was feeding the baby and you're fine. Quit whining."

He then showed me this somewhat large bruise/scrape on his arm from his fall and what did I do?

I laughed my ass off.

Sometimes, I have proof that the universe loves me. :)

It's a New Day...

2009-01-21T17:49:26Z

Hello, LJ pals!

Alexis has reminded me how long I've been gone. But honestly, I've been such a shrew lately, I'm not fit company for anyone, not even the Internet. Nothing awful happening, just losing more sleep than usual which makes me unbearable.

The kids have been sick on and off since the last time I posted (yes, since NOVEMBER) and Sabrina is back to not sleeping through the night and Aidan's new thing is to wake up especially early. Dude, they're out to drive me insane.

My house is a disaster, I can't tell you the last time I had a really decent (HOT) meal, E's turning into a ginormous brat, M's getting on my last freakin' nerve, my mom (though wonderful for helping me still) is driving me nuts, and blahblahblah--well, there's too much to mention and it's all too freaking depressing and stupid, so I won't bother.

There are still good things happening, of course, I haven't totally forgotten.

(Hello, President Obama! Hello, Friday Night Lights! Hello LOST! Hello Jim Halpert & Company!)

For one, my triplets turned one at the end of December. I know, I can't believe it myself.
I know it has been a while since I've been around, but I want to thank you all for the tremendous support and encouragement you sent during this whole motherhood adventure.

THANK you THANK you THANK you!

Here's hoping I'm back. :)

How goofy is E in this photo? Oh, and Sabrina looks miserable b/c she's actually really sick. Running a high fever and desperate for a nap...just like Mommy. :)

Question for my Computer-Literate friends

2008-11-07T09:07:59Z

Does this make any sense?

I'm trying to create a photo collage that I can upload to a store to print. I don't want to use my own printer since the quality is never as crisp as I want. Typically, I upload my photos as jpeg files and print them with a local store. Now, what I'm trying to do is create a photo collage so I can upload it and print it.

I work in Microsoft Word on my MacBook--is it possible to create such a file and save it as a jpeg to be uploaded? I've been unable to do it. Or must I create this in a different program?

I keep reading this over and I don't seem to be clear. Sorry about that...

Mr. President, We've Been Waiting For You

2008-11-06T06:36:06Z

I can't express how I feel without sounding overly sentimental--but here goes.

My plan yesterday was to pick up E from school yesterday and to take her with me to the polls so I could vote. But when my parents offered to watch the babies for me, I decided that I wouldn't waste any time and I hastened over to the local polling place and cast my vote, overcome with emotion before I had even left the car.

It was time to vote and posted in the number one spot: Barack Obama and Joe Biden. I cast my vote, checking over and over to make certain I hadn't made any errors (and really, it's so easy, I couldn't have but still...). I walked out of the polling place, patting down my "I VOTED" sticker and choked back tears.

I can't explain just how momentous this felt to me--how charged the air felt yesterday.

I called M immediately and said that before he voted, he had to pick up E. She's only 3 and has no idea what has happened but it was important to me that she be part of this moment--if only to hold her father's hand as he cast his vote for president.

The rest of the night was spent phoning my family back and forth, anxious and eager to hear the news that night. My sister and I mocked my mother-in-law who informed my mother that she has never once voted in an election, laughingly claiming she's a communist. I had more than one name for her in my mind and communist was not one of them. My mother than told her that she had made certain to vote and that if one doesn't vote, she shouldn't complain.

Then my sister-in-law arrived proudly declaring how she had not voted, never had, because she's "not into politics" and that she wasn't a fan of either candidate. What I WANTED to say was: Let's be honest here--you didn't educate yourself on the candidates or issues and are now going to claim you're not into politics. You're ignorant. Plain and simple. Don't give me some crap about not liking the candidates. I would have respected her a lot more if she had just said that she hadn't followed anything and therefore could not make an educated decision. THAT I could have tolerated. Oh and btw, the minute you say, "I'm not racist but..." YOU'RE bound to say something frickin' stupid.

Last night, I stared at the screen and saw the numbers jump well past 270 and I started to cry. I was just so happy, so moved, so proud. I looked at that Grant Park Rally downtown here in Chicago and I was so, so happy to look out at that sea of faces and see black and white, young and old faces. It spoke of such UNITY -- I was so... proud. Proud and overcome with emotion. I immediately woke M and together we sat and listened to Obama speak, knowing this man, our new leader was merely 20 minutes from our home.

History in the making. That's what everyone is saying, of course. A defining moment. I'm so glad, so very very glad to have been a part of this. But more importantly, I hope that we as country make some positive strides.

I have never been one to pray for the well being of my president, but that will change now. Yes, it will.